“We cannot not be aware of our parents’ age. On the one hand it is joyful; on the other it is dreadful.”
–Confucious
Leaves that are green turn to brown. I wonder, do they ever stop to remember the spring or think to autumn?
As a child, I remember being overcome with emotion when the impermanence of life flashed before my mind’s eye. I was safe and happy and with my mom and dad back then, and yet I knew that it would pass. I intuited this forthcoming reality and felt a deep sense of grief.
It turns out the young and sensitive intuition was well reasoned. If one takes a couple of average assumptions about their parents’ life expectancies and the anticipated number of visits they might have each year in adulthood, it is not uncommon that by the time that person turns 18 years old they will have spent upwards of 90% of all the days they will ever share together1.
When we look into the eyes of the people who brought us life, there is only one time we can ever truly see them — in the present moment. Everything else is either memory or fantasy. In this way, Confucius says we cannot not be aware of our parents’ age.
And yet, so often our eyes see our parents through distorted lenses that are rosy (喜) or foggy (惧). By reflecting on and accepting the impermanence of life, we come closer to celebrating this shared time right now. Remember often that we all have to die. Death can be sad — that’s okay — feel what you feel. It can also be peaceful and liberating. If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or two in your life, try, try to cherish them.
1: Highly suggest this very quick read: https://waitbutwhy.com/2015/12/the-tail-end.html
